5 Old-School Life Lessons Revisited

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All things considered, our generation is pretty lucky.

For one, we have Lizzo.

And if Lizzo is not inspiration enough to BE YOUR OWN UNAPOLOGETIC SELF ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, then perhaps these new and reworked life mantras can come in handy when the Monday blues hit, on a Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, and often Wednesday too.

DISCLAIMER: If you’re one of those people who’s figured it all out, this post is not for you – you go resume your fabulous activities, you splendid thing you.

The rest of us agonizing over career, sperm count, friends with benefits and going vegan: this is for you.

Yes sir, you too.


Old school: Follow your dreams

Newish School: It’s OK to fail

New school: You can rock life even without a dream

Here’s a bit of 2019 truth, real quick:

We don’t all wanna be famous. We don’t all want to be filthy-rich. We don’t all want a Nobel or a Grammy. Some of us are just content with where we are, and some of us are looking for something bigger and better, whilst somehow NOT being the next Rebecca Black.

The fiber of the world is not made of Zuckerbergs, Greta Thunbergs or our favourite villain-babe Elizabeth Holmes, but people serving up Maccas at 2 am, and Uber drivers getting you home before the nuggets get cold.


Takeaway point: When asked what her aspiration in life was in the song ‘Pretty Hurts’, Beyonce’ answered …’to be happy’. #IfItsGoodEnoughForBeyonce


Old School: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feel

Newish School: Strong is the new skinny

New School: It’s OK to not think about your body AT. ALL.

As the queen of all weight riots Jameela Jamil would say ‘we are all amazing beyond the flesh on our bones’. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is IT.

We know ‘Strong Is The New Skinny’ meant well, and we appreciated being seen and rewarded for what have notoriously been masculine attributes (we see you Ronda Rousey) but the point is: what if we didn’t talk about bodies at all?

What if the conversation could shift from what bodies look like to what bodied do? What if we acknowledged the things that make them amazing, like their capabilities to make babies, run marathons, hug friends when they are down, recover from the sesh?

Takeaway point: it’s OK to think about your body and be a snatched bish or a big hunky daddy full of testosterone. It’s also OK to not think about it. Just don’t let it ruin your life, or your ability to enjoy Taco Tuesdays.


Old School: No sex on the first date

Newish School: Free love for all

New School: Have sex, but make it count.

Spoiler alert: sex is FUN. It feels nice and there are lots of reasons why humans (and Dolphins, who not only like bumping uglies but also enjoy the odd orgy or two) do it. In a famous How I Met Your Mother episode, Lily and Marshall list 50 reasons other than LOVE to have sex.

We subscribe to all of them.

So… do they all have to be meaningful, romantic, worthy of a shall we re-bang text the next day? NO.

But they do have to be perfect in the little space of time you and Hot Person From The Club coexist in the same bed. They do have to be consensual, clean, safe, enjoyable, care-free, and maybe a little magical too.

Takeaway point: Make those 23 minutes the fucking best thing EVER.


Old School: Married by 21, kids by 25

Newish School: Married maybe, kids very maybe

New School: You don’t need a timeline, but have one if you want.

Ahhh, the old days of ‘must have kids young, lest your ovaries shrivel down to passion fruits and only produce half-formed aliens with three heads and the personality of a sloth’. Who misses those?

OK – so the world’s oldest mother is 78, which is a bit much considering after giving birth to her twins she collapsed and is now on life support – but the point is: we are ours. If white picket fences revive the fire in our loins, then may you have the whitest, sturdiest of them all.

But in a world where experiences count as much as a first mortgage or a kid, it’s OK to want backpacking over babies, freelancing over full-timing and renting over re-mortgaging.

Takeaway point: You can now add ‘gap year’ to your resume and it will be worth as much as ‘Internship at White House’. BUT REALLY.


Old School: Meat and two veg

Newish School: Vegetarians or Vegans only, please

New School: Mindful practices are best

Ah, vegans. Fighting for the future of our arteries and the planet one veggie burger at a time.

It’s a widely accepted truth that not only are animal products not great for our bodies, they are not great for the planet either. Unsurprisingly, our friends at PETA.com agree.

The truth is, the world needs less omnivores- and that’s a fact. It needs less farmed fish, abusive animal factories, unsustainable practices – but do we all need to turn vegan tomorrow? A study from a little known university called Harvard says nope! As it turns out, even a mere 3% reduction in meat consumption can lower risk of death by 19%, and reduce carbon emissions so we can live on this planet of ours long enough to see our grand-grand kids, at the very least.

Takeaway point: Be mindful of your impact, but don’t let it make you stir-crazy with mediocre tempeh bacon.

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